Hello again! So, I know it’s been a while since I wrote last, but I have some content today! A bit of an update on me, and another (small) instalment of 1794.
First, it’s finally like summer around here – sometimes a bit too much if you ask me! Montreal has been experiencing bouts of extreme heat. I don’t know how it normally is in June here, but stretches of 2-3 days of upwards of 28ºC and full humidity are a little taxing. One day, with the humidex, it felt like 42ºC. Seriously! I felt like dying, and I can’t imagine Jack biking in that temperature! I guess it was easier to manage at home in NB because it’s a coastal place, and there’s always a nice breeze or a cool river to look at, but walking through sizzling blocks of tall buildings and going down in the steamy metro during that heat is intense!
What else… I’ve had a few episodes (where I was mostly acting like a whiny child in the heat) and ups and downs, but it’s been a lot more manageable, thankfully. My therapy sessions have been going well, and when I think I’m “fully recovered” from my issues, I always learn something new with my therapist, which I like. It gives me more to think about and work on. Still, I think that overall it’s going much better because I know myself a lot more, I have a list of things I should do when I feel homesick, resigned, or angry, and that helps me get back on track.
One thing I’ve been struggling with the last few weeks (and weeks and weeks before that, but I decided to put an end to it recently), was that I couldn’t seem to find the things I used to enjoy fun anymore. Reading for fun, writing 1794 or anything else, and drawing? Nope! It was sad, because that made me feel crappy overall, and I felt like all I was doing was cooking, eating, and cleaning my dishes. It’s probably the first time in my life, but I was so bored sometimes.
The first thing I wanted to pick up again was drawing, because I did it so often before! to help me get back into it, I got an adult colouring book, and it was the perfect thing to break the ice. After that, I picked up one of my many notebooks and started drawing again. Just little doodles and sketches, and I even decided to create another Instagram account (appropriately called thelittlenikksterart), but only for nature and drawings. (I wanted to create this tiled effect on the main page of the account, but mostly because I love nature, especially trees, and I thought that it would make living in Montreal more…enjoyable if I took pictures of its patches of nature. You know, until I’m home for good next July and can snap a million pictures of the beauty of the Maritimes!)
The account feels a little freer, mainly because I’m not following all those accounts of old friends/acquaintances from home that just post pictures of their makeup, bodies, and what they’re eating – no offence to anyone, to each her own, I’m glad if you do it for your own reasons and not just to look pretty/fit for others and get their likes (that’s not cool), but all that’s it’s just not for me and it stresses me out – you know, because of all the BS that are societal expectations and pressures to be thin/super fit/whatever the heck else, and the comparisons that pop up in my head. So, this is just an artsy and nature-y place for me and whoever else wants to follow! It’s public, so no need for me to accept your follow. ;)
What else… Oh, Friday I had another meeting with my nutritionist, and we were both happy that I’ve been doing very well. Since our last meeting two weeks ago, I’ve gained more weight because I’ve been trusting my hunger signals more and more (yay me!), I’ve been throwing out clothes that constrict me in any way, and I went and got bigger and more comfortable clothes for the summer. Yay for comfy clothes and not squeezing into shit that doesn’t fit you because everyone else does and you feel you should do it too! And I got a haircut, so I’m feeling pretty free and relaxed now!
After that positive meeting, I wanted to shop for a few new books to add to my library. It’s funny, my book purchases through the course of my recovery are quite reflective of what stage I’m at, mentally and physically. When I first decided to get better, I got books like Goodbye Ed, Hello Me, and the forever awesome book on intuitive eating. These are perfect books to get the recovery ball rolling. I still refer back to these books from time to time, but they are perfect for when you are just starting your journey into recovery.
Then, after a few months, I got the ones I showed in one of my last posts, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies, 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder Workbook, and Eating Disorders Anonymous. because with my weight nearly restored, it was time for me to tackle my thought processes and my worries about new social situations. Now, it’s these books:
I can’t wait to read these books, especially Beauty Sick. This will be my go-to when I get too caught up in, well, appearances and social media, and when discussions with people around me start revolving around food, appearances, and beauty too much. Women Who Run With the Wolves will be a good read to reconnect with my female soul and intuition because sometimes I feel so run down in this man’s world (especially at work) and that, in turn, makes me want to resign, stay quiet, and focus on my outfit for the next day. Well, no more! And finally, I saw This Phenomenal Life on a bookshelf, leafed through, and fell in love with it right away! It’s illustrated so well, and it will be perfect for those times when you just feel alone: it will remind you how we’re connected to the Earth and cosmos.
Okay, onto the story! This little section, Part 8, is not as long as the others, but I see this part as a linking piece. In previous parts (Part 5, Part 6, and Part 7), we’ve learned that, among other things, Mary has a mysterious cough and now a flu that won’t go away. After reading Part 7, my mother actually texted me right away and wanted to know what Mary had because she couldn’t stand not knowing! That’s why I think I’ll just tell you. You might be asking why doesn’t Hugh just let us know in the story? Well, he is knowledgable and all that, but what Mary has wasn’t technically discovered yet. You’ll see him mention it as the “nervous fever” later, so what she actually has is typhoid fever. It was only formally discovered in the late 1800s, and a vaccination wasn’t made until 1896. So, there wasn’t much, really, that an apothecary and doctor could do in rural New Brunswick in 1794, besides doing the best they can and working with the symptoms Mary exhibits.
As I was saying, this part is short, but it connects the build-up of Mary’s mysterious sickness and what will happen next. Because I’m squeamish and it’s not all that important to dive into the (gross) elements of typhoid fever (you can read them for yourselves!), the next part or two that will cover the duration of her fever will only cover bits of her sickness. Because she’s sick and a bit out of her mind during that time, Mary’s point of view will be limited, so I will be taking Alicebell, Adelaide, Mary’s parents, George, Hugh, and others’ points of views, and going into some history of the Loyalist and French families of Kingsclear. And much more later on!! I can’t wait, but this is what I have for now.
That’s all for now! I wish you all a wonderful weekend. I can’t wait to write and draw some more in the next little while – thank gosh for time off for the St Jean Baptiste this weekend and Canada Day next weekend!