Here I am, finally.
I’ve wanted to have a personal blog for a long time (4 years actually), but I was always too scared to make one. Scared to write anything, scared of what people will think. I thought blogs were narcissistic, and I didn’t want to be seen as such. What a silly assumption! (Don’t worry, I don’t think that anymore.)
So I went on, for 4 years, going back to this WordPress site to customize and redecorate, toy with different titles and pages, and so on. Everything stayed unpublished, of course. I kept my ideas inside me, not wishing to put myself, my creativity, or my knowledge out there. I didn’t want to take space, or say something a loved one might not like. But sometimes I really wanted to share things! Still, I always decided against it, continuing to restrict myself creatively.
Do you know why? I thought I didn’t have any talents, or stories, or anything worth sharing. I mean, I knew I was capable of drawing and writing, but I didn’t think it was any good. I was convinced that I was not good enough, and I “didn’t need” to share anything.
Deep down inside, I didn’t really believe this. There was a happy and creative little girl inside me who was sure of herself and didn’t care about looking silly (because I was just being me!), but there was a stronger power dominating over me and almost everything I did for years. My anorexia.
For those of you who don’t know me, you can find some general information on my About page, but this is me.
I’m Nikki Thériault (short for Véronique), I’m from New Brunswick, and I’m currently living in Montréal, Québec. This is my first time away from home, and I thought this whole thing was a good impetus to start a blog so I could update my friends and family back home. I’m going through a lot of changes: not living in my childhood home with my very close family, not having my weekly ballet classes which I’ve had since I was about 4 years old, living on my own in a big city (well, not all on my own because I have a very loving and caring boyfriend with me), paying for rent and food, moving all my beloved belongings, and the list goes on. More on this later. ;)
However, the more I thought about it, the more I thought I should just say what I’ve been wanting to tell more people for a while: I’ve had anorexia for the past 8 and half years but I never believed it, and I was just diagnosed in May 2016 because I was at my lowest point and I didn’t want to be sick anymore, and it’s killing me right now that I can’t just freely say this to people. I made up my mind to be strong and challenge the weakening voice of anorexia inside my head, and not be a bystander in this world where mental health are still taboo/uncomfortable to talk about.
What better way to do this than to write openly about my struggles so that they may not define me anymore, and I can get on with my life and help others do the same? I don’t see a problem with it. Do you? If so, you can just keep going along with your life, but if you sort of like what you’re reading and want to know more, stay tuned! I made up a few pages, which you see on the menu above, so you can check those out in the meantime. I’m going to gently push myself and write 2 posts a week here, so there’ll be more content soon!
Thanks for reading, it means a lot, and we’ll talk again soon!